just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
