you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
