Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
