Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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