i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
