Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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