I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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