Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
