"it" just moved
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
