If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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