i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
