sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
