I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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