There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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