I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
