Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
