Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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