I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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