I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
