i permit you to call me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
