You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
