The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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