Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
