OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
