Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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