just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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