Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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