had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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