Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
