My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
