Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
