census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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