i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
These tits shall not be calmed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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