I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i've created a new STD.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
