does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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