im six kinds of drunk right now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want to be your penis for a week.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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