It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
