It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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