And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
