Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
