Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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