you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
