I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
