Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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