I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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