I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
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So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
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