What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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