My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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