KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
