And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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