He asked to "fluff my boner.."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
