his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
