Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees