I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.