I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
