the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn