But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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