I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN