A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fill condoms, not promises.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.