Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"