It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
