Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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