I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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