Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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