so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
