Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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