We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
