i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
