My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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