it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
