She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
