non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
