She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
