Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
