Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
