so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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