nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
