I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
