bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
