But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
