Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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