Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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