He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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