You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
