; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
