He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
